Dr. Mark Swaim on How to Teach Your Child Self-Regulation
Dr. Mark Swaim explains that self-regulation is a child’s ability to control and manage their emotions about the pressures of a situation. It includes being able to handle frustrations, to calm down before getting upset, and to adjust expectations accordingly, among others. It is a very important skill set for a child to learn and develop as a way to direct their behavior towards a goal, despite the world’s volatile nature.
Why is self-regulation important?
Self-regulation allows your child to function well in society and the world. It will enable them to be more independent, learn in school, make friends, and manage stress. A child’s inborn capacity to self-regulate is largely personality-based. However, their environment plays a significant role, too.
Dr. Mark Swaim explains that every time parents go out of their way to soothe an upset child or give in to their temper tantrums, they lose a chance to self-regulate. In this case, they outsource the regulation skills to external factors—their parents— and this may be something that becomes a habit.
How do you teach your child to self-regulate?
Here are some ways to help your children self-regulate:
Think of it as a skill to be taught. Approach self-regulation as you would with academic or social skills. Teach the skill and allow them to practice it. Once you think of it this way and not about your child acting out, the content and tone of your feedback changes. Dr. Mark Swaim says that it then becomes a teaching and learning process.
“Scaffold” the behavior you want to teach. The key is not to avoid situations that would make them upset, but to coach them through the difficult times. Then, give them support until they can manage the challenges on their own.
Give points every time they are successful. Practice the behavior you want to enforce with them and give rewards points every time they accomplish these goals. Start with small, age-appropriate goals.
Dr. Mark Swaim also suggests using the assistance of animals to help children regulate their behavior, manage stress, and learn to be calm in chaotic situations. These things being considered, your little tot is on their way to learning how to self-regulate.
Why is self-regulation important?
Self-regulation allows your child to function well in society and the world. It will enable them to be more independent, learn in school, make friends, and manage stress. A child’s inborn capacity to self-regulate is largely personality-based. However, their environment plays a significant role, too.
Dr. Mark Swaim explains that every time parents go out of their way to soothe an upset child or give in to their temper tantrums, they lose a chance to self-regulate. In this case, they outsource the regulation skills to external factors—their parents— and this may be something that becomes a habit.
How do you teach your child to self-regulate?
Here are some ways to help your children self-regulate:
Think of it as a skill to be taught. Approach self-regulation as you would with academic or social skills. Teach the skill and allow them to practice it. Once you think of it this way and not about your child acting out, the content and tone of your feedback changes. Dr. Mark Swaim says that it then becomes a teaching and learning process.
“Scaffold” the behavior you want to teach. The key is not to avoid situations that would make them upset, but to coach them through the difficult times. Then, give them support until they can manage the challenges on their own.
Give points every time they are successful. Practice the behavior you want to enforce with them and give rewards points every time they accomplish these goals. Start with small, age-appropriate goals.
Dr. Mark Swaim also suggests using the assistance of animals to help children regulate their behavior, manage stress, and learn to be calm in chaotic situations. These things being considered, your little tot is on their way to learning how to self-regulate.
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